Thinking About Steph

Stephanie Kittredge — my first wife, the mother of my two eldest children — lies seriously ill in a San Diego hospital.   In May, when last I saw her, her COPD was so far advanced she needed supplemental oxygen and wheelchair.    After a 3-week trip to NYC to visit Molly in late May, she returned to her San Diego home.   Now this.

As I add stories and pictures to this blog, Steph will show up often, as she was so much a part of my early adulthood and always a part of our life with Caleb and Molly.  I hate having the first story framed by her current illness, but you don’t always get to choose these things.

For some reason, I think back to our wedding.  It was a picturesque church (on the Green in Branford, CT) and a simpler time (1971).   Friends and family were there.   A classmate, Steve Dunwell, who has since become a renowned photographer, took pictures.   And this picture of Steph was one of my all time favorites.

Looking through the album this evening brought me back to the innocence and hopefulness of that day, prior to the difficulties of the divorce and the challenges of trying to be good parents even when we could no longer be husband and wife.   I loved her then, for sure.

Since then, obviously, Steph and I have had many ups and downs, but nothing really prepares you for news that someone you have loved is really suffering, really in trouble — probably scared and alone.  I am so happy and grateful that Caleb and Molly are such wonderful and supportive kids — Molly recently hosting Steph in NYC and Caleb flying down from Vancouver tomorrow to be with her.

Normally, for any friend, I’d say “if there is anything I can do, ….”   Those words catch in my throat, though, resurrecting old ghosts, old hurts and narratives I’d prefer to avoid.   It’s weird — I wish only for her comfort and happiness; she IS a good person.  And, despite the challenges, she always loved our two kids, and for that I’ll always be grateful and appreciative.   But I am reluctant to get any closer — to tell her that directly.

Here is the card listing the names of the people in the wedding party, and the guest list at the wedding.  It’s surprising how many people are still in our lives.

(I’m reminded that using European notation — 17/7/71 —  was a more symmetrical way of expressing our wedding date July 17, 1971.   Redpath pointed that out AFTER we had selected the date. )

Guest List (as copied from the sign-in book)